So, I've been writing this blog for exactly three months now. I've been enjoying myself thoroughly, though it certainly is an unusual way to put together an autobiography. I hope, in particular, that my daughter (and perhaps her children) will find it valuable in years to come, after I've become a doddering old fool. I've tried to mine small events in my life for their significance, find humor in my misfortunes and connect the dots in a meaningful way. But I've also discovered several odd things in the process.
The first is that I seem to have written all these entries before. I'm at a loss to explain this phenomenon, but as soon as I choose a topic and sit down at the computer, I have this annoying feeling that I've already written about it previously. Then I go over old my blog posts and rack my brain for where and when and why I might have done so, but always come up empty. It's as if the stories are pre-written in my head, even before they end up on paper.
Is that the way my brain works? Do I compose and edit that thoroughly before I write? I also create 5-7 minute skits for the contemporary church services at the Presbyterian Church of Novato and people sometimes ask me how long it takes. My answer is that they usually only take an hour or so, from start to finish.
Then I run into instances when I am writing about some event in my early years and I can't be sure whether the memory is genuinely mine, whether I was told about it by a family member, or whether it may have only occurred in my dreams. It makes me realize how little of our lives we remember vividly. Driving my daughter home from a rehearsal of Pirates of Penzance the other night, she admitted that she had no recollection of being directed by me in The Sound of Music when she was 9. How can that be?
It is disconcerting to look back on so many events and realize that I can't recall them in their entirety, only being able to retrieve random snippets that had somehow made a deeper-than-usual impression on my cerebral cortex. It would be fabulous to access the rest of those memories, which I don't doubt are there.
Fortunately, a lot of them have begun to reveal themselves as I write this blog. Covered with dust, I carry them down from the attic of my mind and try to put them in some kind of order. Sometimes a little Internet research helps out, or I will get a clue from an item in my boxes of accumulated memorabilia - a class picture, a theatre program, or slides from a trip. Slowly, slowly, they come into focus and I hasten to add them to this growing document.
Finally, I sometimes worry that I will run out of material. It seems like it takes a lot of details to maintain this pace. But as soon as I lift a long-forgotten memory from the pile, another takes its place, so there is hope in that.
Anyway, I thought I would just take a short break and talk a little about the process. So far, it is immensely satisfying and cathartic on many levels. I recommend it heartily. I also hope you are enjoying the posts as well. And if you are, please let other people know about this site. After all, what's the point of a life, if you can't share it?
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